uninvited guests

sometimes after a long day of interviews, i come home to find that i have acquired a new roommate.

10:30pm on my second night in suva: i flip on the light switch and discover that a gigantic cockroach has made himself happily at home on my wall. after the initial shock of our meeting, i try very hard to imagine that he is the cockroach from wall-e and that the two of us can be best buds and live in harmony. unfortunately, my powers of self-deception cannot compete with the growing sense of repulsion, and i decide this new roommate of mine must be evicted. the precise method of eviction becomes the subject of extended reflection. you see, the problem with cockroaches is that they rarely agree to die from the first blow of your shoe, and they can scuttle mighty fast. there is no way of knowing where they will scuttle. i stare at the imposter for another 5 minutes. unable to summon the strength to do what needs to be done, i recruit my poor neighbor to carry out the execution. as i had feared, one wack is insufficient, but my neighbor perseveres, mercilessly wacking and chasing the roach around the corner and through the kitchen until she finally kills him. picking up defeated roach with her bare hands, she turns to me and says: "you'll have to toughen up, eh?"

and she was right. a whole range of creatures seem to have no qualms about entering my house unannounced. one night i came home to an 8" mud crab with an injured claw, doing some sort of deranged solo dance in the corner of my screened porched. how he got into the house, i have no idea. just two nigths ago i was greeted by the biggest spider i have ever seen. seriously. this guy was like 6 inches wide and its body was raised nearly 2 inches above the surface of the wall. interestingly, he was sitting on the exact same spot as the cockroach i encountered three weeks before. i am proud to say that my insect response skills have improved significantly since the roach incident: one swift smack was all it took to end the spider's life. it was a very satisfying moment.

but the absolute WORST visit i have had took place about ten days ago. those of you who know me well know that there is one animal i despise far more passionately than all the rest: frogs.

it was a dreary, rainy day in suva, and i was eager to get into my nice cozy bed. i unlocked the door, stepped into my sitting room, turned on the light, and glanced down at the floor. what did see there? you guessed it: A FROG. my worst nightmare! unsanctified words flowed from my mouth. praying that the frog wouldn't hop its slimey self in my direction, i managed to coax it out the front door with my broom.

now every time i enter my house, i immediately do a full inspection of the walls in each room to make sure i don't receive any surprises in the middle of the night...